I haven't been reading my Bible regularly and it shows. In truth, I want to be godly, but...I'm just not. Ha, I am so not the sweet person you pass on the street that wham, you just know is a Christian...they're too kind, to sweet...there's just something about them. I'm not that way. In fact, most people probably wouldn't even know I was a Christian unless I first said something to imply that I am. That's not good. I found a verse the other day (trying to read more like I should) and this is what it said: How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word (psalm 119:9). I realized that I have to want to be godly, I have to read His word, and I have to take heed to it to become godly; Christlike.
This morning, I was reading God's word and I just felt so happy. It was a little odd, because I was like...why am I so happy? I was a little paranoid, like some evil little thought would come remind me of something and snatch all my happiness away. And then I thought, well, I'm happy because there are so many possibilities for me (for anyone) and the future is bright! How exciting. And then I read these verses: The hope of the righteous will be gladness, but the expectation of the wicked will perish (Proverbs 10:28-29). The key words are hope and expectation. I really was hoping this morning. I felt hope towards my future, and I was glad; happy! It was amazing to see my feelings backed up by these verses just a few seconds later. And the other word, expectation. The wicked expect, they do not necessarily hope. All this means is that I am putting my hope in God and His will for my life, rather than striving for something with no God to guide me or back it up. It really does produce hope and gladness! I don't have to worry about what choices to make in life, regardless how big they are. I can just pray: Your will, not mine. Cause I don't know my will, and even if I do, I can almost always guarantee you, it's downright selfish. Granted, I do speak to God, talk to Him about what I desire and whatnot, but other than that, what comes comes. Letting it go like that is amazing. I did that with the situation with my Grandma recently when it came to housing options/locations. Just let it go and it worked out. Praise the Lord. So, in all, my day has been really good this morning. And this leads me to my next point...
I haven't been writing lately. As I've said, it feels more like work and I don't really enjoy it. Eh, I could care less, almost, to write right now, and I LOVE writing. I'm just not into it. My heart isn't there. Well, you know how you get a thought, and then kind of dismiss it? Well, I had a thought, nodded to myself, and shrugged it off, like...maybe. Well, I realized, or remembered, how much I love addressing Biblical issues/topics through writing. I used to address a topic and go to God's word for answers, string verses together, (in context) and use analogies and life situations to show my point. That was fun, that was exciting, plus, I grew in God's word as I did it. Loved it, but loved my other writing, too. Of course, I pushed godly writing aside and moved on to my fantastical worlds. And now...I don't even really care to write anymore. It just died away.
It makes me think of 80's rock and roll. I loved that stuff. It was my life. I needed it. Oh how could I live without it? Well, when I started going to church and got reassured of my salvation, I started reading God's word. (I believed in God, but didn't know what it meant to be saved. So I learned and acted upon it: Told God I needed Him and wanted Him as my Father, Lord, and Friend) I didn't realize it, but, I wasn't really listening to music that much during that time. And my left hand is going numb...creeeeepy. And then, wham, one day, it hit me. I don't listen to rock any more. And I don't care that I don't! It's gone. It's died away. Just like that. Maybe that's what happened to my writing. It was my life, it is what I did, and now, eh, whatever. I mean, sure, I still like Def Leppard, but I don't care to listen to them, there are other, greater things that appeal to me now. I still love my fantasy and sci-fi story, but...it isn't doing anything for me. I wonder if it too is dying away. That would be amazing if that were the case. I want to either write those old stories, or either not write them. To know why I'm not desiring it is really enlightening, really interesting, relieving. I didn't know why I didn't want to write. I figured I was rebelling, I figured I couldn't because of school (worried about grades) and because writing seemed so trivial in the big scheme of school and whatnot. But now...
When I think of writing one of my Christian non-fiction books, I kind of feel happy. Not joy, there's a difference, but...challenged, like...bring it. Let's do this. As though it would engage me. I started on a book called (don't laugh, but here it is:) What's it About? (as the main title) and You've Got Questions, there're Answers.(for the subtitle) Something like that. I don't know, but that would definitely give my writing meaning; direction. Even if I knew my other two stories had meaning or direction, I don't care to write them. Oh how amazing it would be if God would have a desire of mine that wasn't godly to fall away rather than for me to toil in it in vain.
This verse applies to me in so many ways: Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10: 31).
So I'm not kidding, I totally thought of this with my friend Brehonna. Some dude stole my idea and came up with it and made a picture of it. How could they? This would be so awesome.